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Monday, March 23, 2015

Don't call me cute and tell me my opinions mean something...

Mom, the saying is - don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!

I love the word cute. Cute is my word ^o^. Cute means a lot of things to me - it means adorable, it means friendship, it means love. However, recently, I have been called cute a few times and the meaning was perverted. Cute was a mask for other words.

"Oh, you designed a game? That's cute."
"It's cute that you want my feedback, but you should know I am difficult to please." 
"You're cute, but let me explain how this game works."
"It's cute that you think that..." 

Each time I heard the word cute in that way, it was totally demoralizing. These are things you say about child, to pad what you mean, because you don't want to hurt them. It is something you say to put someone down, while bolstering yourself with power in a conversation. You cut off communication by speaking to someone in a way that says 'you're not grown-up enough to engage in the conversation I am having'.

I am a woman, I am not a child.

Please, when giving feedback, while in a serious discussion with someone (anyone, even if you don't like them and even more if you do), never call them cute. Be direct, say what you mean to say.

"You designed a game? Why?"
"I can give you feedback, but you might not like what I have to say."
"I think you are wrong about the game and this is why..."
"I disagree with you."

Being direct and to the point, without putting someone down, is the best compliment you can give when providing feedback. Speaking to a person as an equal presents you well and allows the other person to feel safe speaking to you. It makes people want to listen to you, to engage with you, and to take your opinion seriously.

Outside of that, I really hope you use the word cute, cause it is a good word.

"Your outfit is super cute!"
"Omg cute dog!"
"Hey cutie!"

Thanks for allowing me this rant!

xx,
Liz

2 comments:

  1. Aww. That kind of usage of cute is the anti-cute! But you are fantastic, & I hope things get better soon.

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  2. you can always cut back and say 'I think your use of the word cute is real cute'.
    or better 'I think the incorrect way you use cute is real cute, so, so, so very cute'.

    ReplyDelete